Dear {awesome agent}

Wedding planner Krista Deal wishes people would just get over the End
Of The World already. The death of 5 billion people didn’t actually
end anything; it did, however, create one large Pause. The Pause left
big cities, red wine, and shoe shopping for those willing to move on
from the whole mourning and brooding thing. And no one understands
that better than Krista, who taught herself way before the Pause that
she didn’t need anyone’s help moving on — or anyone’s help, period.

When a power outage hits San Francisco, Krista gets stuck with
grieving single dad Rob Donelly and his precocious daughter Sunny.
Through Sunny, Krista sees the true victims of the Pause:not her
wedding clients seeking normalcy or the government-fearing hippies out
in the wastelands — and certainly not the parents like Rob stuck in
denial — but the children growing up without any notion of family.
Krista’s epiphany comes just as she discovers a devastating secret
about Rob’s dead wife, bringing her own long-buried past to the
surface. As a new outbreak threatens to shut down the world again,
Krista must confront something scarier than mutant viruses,
bridezillas, or even her own estranged family: becoming a fill-in
mother for Sunny.

THE PAUSE is 85,000 words of Nick Hornby-style fiction that takes a
look at the other side of apocalypse. No walking dead or hunger games,
but a humorous and introspective glimpse at how humanity copes in the
face of disaster.

{BLURB ABOUT WHY I CHOSE AGENT} My writing credits include
contributions to Thirsty? San Francisco, Fox Sports, Yahoo Sports,
Maple Street Press, and NYTimes.com, among others, and a freelance
writing business. Per your agency guidelines, I’ve attached the first
{number} chapters. May I send you the completed manuscript?

{Signature & Contact}

Like last week, this query also came with a few questions from the author (and if you’re sending your query to Query Wednesday, you can certainly send any questions you have along with it). This author wants to know what his genre should be, and how should he go about choosing what agents to query.

The difference between crossover and hybrid is a fine line, one that is not the same for all agents and editors. What one agent considers an original mix of two genres (crossover), another can consider a crazy mix that makes it genre-less (hybrid).

The thing is, every genre, even the ones that are looking to break all formulas, has some sort of formula. Some particular thing that needs to be solved for there to be an ending. In sci-fi, it’s the threat. In women’s fiction, it’s the woman’s individual journey and her personal growth. You have to figure out what is your focus. Is you ending when the heroine helps destroy the big threat? Or is it when she discovers herself?

What you have here sounds like a mix of sci-fi and women’s fiction. It sounds like an interesting story. I would personally put it in the crossover realm. Unfortunately, it is a dangerous mix to have. I know I said crossovers are a good combination and hybrids a bad one. But crossovers that mix two genres so different have a high hybrid-potential. There are very few agents who represent both sci-fi and women’s fiction, and even fewer editors who buy both genres. And most importantly: there are few readers who read both genres. Which makes this hard to market. That’s the thing with crossovers. This could be a huge hit, or a complete failure. There’s usually no middle ground when it comes to crossovers.

How do you find out? Trying. That’s the only way. More than ever, you’ll need an amazingly polished manuscript, with first pages so absolutely awesome and intriguing that even the agents who are thinking this will probably not work feel this nudge telling them they need to read more. You’ll need a spectacular query. And you’ll need luck.

Now, how do you go about it? Be honest. Visualize your ending – that will tell you whether the focus of this manuscript is sci-fi or women’s fiction. Then call it “women’s fiction with a sci-fi twist” or “sci-fi with a deeper focus that tends toward women’s fiction”.

You know what agents hate? People who read what they represent, have a manuscript that doesn’t really fit their list, and try to twist their genre in an absurd way to justify their querying that agent. It’s one thing to put a positive spin on things (like calling chick lit women’s fiction or contemporary romance), another to lie.

Try to find agents that represent both genres — that is always your best bet with crossovers. Be honest and be brilliant. Let your writing be the difference between “crazy person with a nonsensical idea” and “bold and brilliant writer who might actually be onto something”. And hope for the best.

Dear Agent Of My Dreams,

Fallen’s mother was murdered and his father died getting revenge. Of the three people responsible, only one, Zata, escaped – and it’s Fallen’s duty to kill her.

All he knows is her name, approximate age, and that she fights on the wrong side of a planet-wide war. It’s taken Fallen years of sneaking behind enemy lines to find her. He attacks at once, but underestimates Zata and is captured. Then Auris appears. Claiming to be a god, Auris frees Fallen and bans killing. Fallen isn’t sure what a god is, but anyone to break Auris’s ban dies, which makes killing Zata complicated.

Fallen sticks close to her, biding his time. Zata’s bound by the god’s rule, too, so all she can do is grit her teeth and try to ignore him – something Fallen delights in making as difficult as possible. He divides his time between annoying her and trying to find a way around the god’s ban. But Auris’s rules keep getting more and more restrictive. Fallen’s got to find a loophole, and quickly. Because the longer he spends with Zata, the less he wants to kill her…

HALIDOM is a 70,000 word YA fantasy told from the perspectives of Auris, Fallen and Zata.  <insert why Agent-Of-My-Dreams and I would be the perfect match here>.  As per your submission guidelines, XXXXXX is included in the body of the email.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

This query actually came with a question from the author: My book is told from different perspectives; the opening chapter is from Zata’s perspective, while the query is from Fallen’s.  Is that alright, or should I make the query’s POV consistent with the first chapter’s?

Now that is something I see very often. The manuscript has alternating POVs and the query is in one of them, but the first chapter is in the other. That does bother me a little, because when I see a query in a character’s POV (which is not the same as first person, as you all know so well), I assume that is the main character and the story is in her/his POV. When it starts on someone else’s POV, it confuses me. The most effective way I’ve seen of querying manuscripts with alternating POVs is to alternate it in the query too. One paragraph in the hero’s POV, one in the heroine’s. In this particular case, you would definitely need Zata’s POV in the query, because this is so Fallen-driven that I’d be really confused to see the manuscript begin with Zata’s. I can’t even tell she’s that much of a heroine from this.

Other than that, focus on voice. Right now, you have a plot description. Remember authors: describe less of your plot turns and show more of your voice. Show being the key here. When you really show the characters (in this case, Zata and Fallen), which POV your manuscript starts with will not sound that important.

Dear Ms. Lessa,
 
Thirteen-year-old Ramon Mendes Figueroa does not love soccer, even though his best friend Julio is Barca-obsessed.  And he does not love his cello teacher, even though she’s hot like Shakira.  Plus, he doesn’t know whether to love or hate his uncle, who never gets anything right no matter how much he quotes Michael Jordan.
 
More than anything in the world, Ramon loves music.  He wants to be the principal cellist in honors orchestra.  But then he witnesses the ugly break-up between his uncle and his cello teacher, and his cello teacher flies away to take a job in Puerto Rico.  How will he prepare for his audition without her?
 
Enter Yo-Yo, a stray dog Ramon bonds with, and names after Yo-Yo Ma to persuade himself to follow his dreams.
 
For a short time, luck seems to be on Ramon’s side again, until his uncle gives Yo-Yo away, and another student at Ramon’s middle school, a new girl and the only gringa on the local Latina soccer team, adopts Yo-Yo and renames him Pele.
 
Should Ramon fight her for dog-custody, as his friends suggest, or resign himself to the loss?  As he wrestles with the decision, Ramon learns nearly everyone in his neighborhood has a sad dog story, and his is far from over.
 
PELE AND YO-YO is a 56,000 word, contemporary, upper-level middle grade novel.  I am a SCBWI member and have worked as a teacher and librarian.  I can be contacted at 571-232-7001 and by email at kmorrisontaylor@gmail.com if you would like to see chapters.  Thank you for your time and consideration.

This sounds like a good story, but I have a hard time understanding the main conflict. Is this about becoming a cellist? Is this about a boy’s fight for his dog? And what does soccer have to do with either of those things?

Before writing a query, it’s always important to make sure you know the main conflict in your manuscript. What is this really about? That’s what you should focus on in your query.

Another thing many authors do: the contact info in your bio paragraph. Contact info is for your signature. Sign your name, your email address and your phone number. That’s the only place where that information needs to go. And even then, agents will probably not really use it. They’ll just reply to your email. So make sure you send your query from the account you check!

Thank you for your query. Hope this has been helpful.

If you want to have your query analyzed here, send it on the body of the email to gabrielalessacarvalho@gmail.com, with the subject line QUERY WEDNESDAY.

Dear Ms. Lessa,

When Elizabeth realizes her prom date is the actual reincarnate of Jesus, she’s more than a little shocked. She’s always known something more than teenage angst has Chris worked up. The mysterious new boy with a limp showed up halfway through her senior year. Due to her ADHD disorder, nobody has ever held Lizzie’s attention for long, but Chris does. He defies authority, attracts oddballs and the popular crowd alike, and confronts the world on his own terms.

A fallen angel named Jacob catches on to Chris’s true identity. For the past four years, Jacob has played out his assigned role as the class bully. Chris conducts himself so humbly and associates with the atheist club, potheads, and sleazy cheerleaders, and as a consequence was overlooked by Jacob for a full month. But when he catches Chris at the prom turning water into punch when the school runs out of beverages, Jacob’s suspicions are confirmed. He travels at ‘light speed’ to tell the devil himself and like a terrifying scene out of Revelations, the two giants of the cosmos converge on a scene that’s hell on earth, high school. One, just beginning to rally the next generation to fulfill his original forgotten mission, is already weakened by cafeteria food poisoning at Jacob’s hand. The other, confident and on home turf, seizes the opportunity to trade away his dominion over the earthly realm in exchange for the satisfaction of killing God’s only son, this time for good.

Just when it seems all is lost, Lizzie realizes that before her seventeen years as a human, she lived since the dawn of creation as an angel, but was sent to earth in preparation for Jesus’ special project. She just didn’t remember it until now. The two conflicting energies of ultimate good and evil trigger her flash back. Luckily, she’s not the only one who is a ‘kingdom transplant.’ Together with three other guardian angels, they must help protect Chris and inspire the throes of disaffected youth. Forget about becoming Prom Queen, every eternal soul now hangs in the balance.

EXCHANGE STUDENT is a fantasy young adult novel, complete at 70,000 words. You included YA that transports you to a magical place on your wish list and I’m hoping my book will be a good fit for your list.

Thank you for your consideration.

On this query, we have a few issues I have addressed here before, and a few new ones, that I’d like to focus more on.

Let’s start with the more common factor: too much information. In novels with intricate plots, many authors tend to add in the query every twist in the story, turning it into a “this happened then that happened” that can get confusing. You don’t need every detail of your novel in a query, just enough to make the agent care. Just ask yourself what the main conflict in your novel is, and focus on that. For more information, go to this post that analyzes a query with an intricate plot, and to this one that discusses query length.

Now, onto the topic I want to focus on: defining your novel. You don’t need to know everything about publishing. But being able to define your work will make the agent more comfortable with the idea of working with you. So here are a few things to keep in mind.

First and foremost, never call your manuscript a “book” in your query. Books are published works. What you have in your hands is a manuscript. You can refer to it as your manuscript or your novel, but not your book.

Second, your genre. Genres are hard to figure out, and many authors have trouble with this. But knowing your genre is key to showing agents you know what you’re talking about, and you’re ready to enter the world of publishing. There are a lot of resources out there to discover more about genres. Many agents blog about this. One of my favorites is agent Jennifer Laughran’s Big Ol’ Genre Glossary.

In this particular case, the author presents the manuscript as a fantasy, but it isn’t. In fantasy, we usually are transported to another world (think Narnia or Hogwarts). When paranormal beings come into our normal human world, that’s a paranormal. So in this case, your manuscript is a paranormal YA.

Of course, some agents won’t care if you called your manuscript a book, or if you got the genre wrong. Especially if your query and your writing are superb. But some are really picky about this kind of thing, and it’s not because they’re evil. It’s just that their experience has often taught them that most authors who don’t know their genre can’t write in their genre either. Of course there are exceptions, and many agents take that risk. But many don’t, especially the really established ones who get hundreds of queries a day. The more queries they get, the more selective they have to be. And small mistakes can keep you from making the cut.

Thank you for your query! Hope that helps!

If you want to submit your query to be analyzed here, please email it to gabrielalessacarvalho@gmail.com with the subject line QUERY WEDNESDAY.

The submission deadline for the new romance anthology over at Turquoise Morning Press has been extended! You have until next Tuesday, May 1st, to get your short story in.

Really, I can’t stress enough what an amazing opportunity this is. It’s so rare that an anthology is open to outside submissions, so take advantage of it! It’s a great way to get some visibility.

Plus, who doesn’t love coming up with a sexy, foreign hero? Come on, I want lots of those!!! Tip: I still don’t have any Asians or Latin Americans, and I’d love to read something on those…

So get that imagination flowing (oh, foreign men…) and get those short stories (5k-9k words) to me by next Tuesday!

For more details on the anthology and how to submit, go to this post. I’m looking forward to reading what you’ve got!

IMPORTANT: If you haven’t received an email confirming receipt, I haven’t received your submission. Please re-send! (It’s not an auto-response, so allow me a couple hours to respond before you re-send.)

Dear Future Agent in My Most Wished For Future,

Thomas Johnson, Jr. is a hard-nosed businessman who has made it despite his background of poverty and violence.  He has worked very hard and acquired just about everything he has ever desired-until now hen he meets his match in Wilson Thompson, a young man of 17, who finds he would do anything to save his widowed mother and family from this man.

“Seasons of Change” is a 45, 000 word YA novella.

About me: My imagination is my muse when I write, so I go wherever it takes me in the realm of fiction.  Besides writing, I like to compose music and spend time with my family.

So let’s talk about one thing many authors have questions on: length. First, length of your query. It’s always good to keep your query short. Long queries might never get fully read. But how short is too short?

When it comes to word count, it’s always better to shoot for less than 500 words. Some agencies might ask for less, so of course you should always check their guidelines to word count limits. But overall, 250 to 500 words tends to be a good query length.

Now, the danger is to make it too short. Take this query for instance. It’s 116 words. There’s only one paragraph about the story itself, and it’s only 62 words. Mind you, there’s nothing wrong with cutting to the chase. I’m all for short queries. But when it’s this short, we lose essential elements: plot and voice. And that’s a problem.

All we have here is a short introduction of the two main characters. I know who Thomas Johnson, Jr. is, and I know who Will Thompson is, and I know that they’ll meet. But I don’t really know what the story is about. I don’t know how their lives change from this meeting. I don’t get a sense of neither voice, so I don’t really know who the actual main character is and what he sounds like. In other words, it’s too vague, so I’m not involved. And if I’m not involved, I don’t request.

I’m not saying you should give me every detail about the story. But there needs to be more flavor. One sentence to show how they meet. One to show why it matters. One that shows what’s at stake. And a little voice sprinkled here and there. Just 100 words more, 200 tops, can take this “from not enough to grab me” to “give me more please” — all without compromising query length.

Since we’re on lengths, there are two more lengths I’d like to mention. First, the length of a sentence. Four-line sentences should always be revised. Punctuation is essential to pace, and to showing that you are a polished writer. So beware of long sentences.

Second, manuscript length. Now, I know this goes beyond query analysis, but it’s a heads up I feel I must include: debut novellas are hard to sell. You’ll find almost no agents at all who represent novellas. So if you’re willing to rethink it, making it a novel would make for an easier (or less hard) path to traditional publication. Another option, of course, is to query e-book only publishers. They usually accept novellas and unagented submissions, so it might be a good option too. Just something to think about.

Oh, and one more thing: “Dear Future Agent in My Most Wished For Future”? Nice! From your lips to God’s ears, my dear!

Thank you so much for submitting your query to Query Wednesday! I hope this has been helpful.

If you want to have your query analyzed on Query Wednesdays, please send it to gabrielalessacarvalho@gmail.com with the subject line QUERY WEDNESDAY.

First of all, sorry for the disappearing act. It’s been a hectic couple weeks, but we’re back on track and Query Wednesdays will be coming back this week.

I also want to share some long overdue news, and add just a few reminders. Since January, I have moved to a new agency, and it’s about time I’ve mentioned that here. My internship with the previous agency ended in December, and I absolutely loved it, so it was a joy to have a new position at another agency right away! Actually let me take a moment to thank the agent I interned for last semester. She was the best mentor anyone could’ve asked for, and I’m so greateful for my time there and everything I learned during that experience.

Ok, so back to the new agency (which is not really new, it’s a traditional and very established New York agency full of agents so awesome I constantly feel like I’m emailing celebrities). I am an intern at this agency, working with several agents, and I couldn’t be happier. It’s a completely new experience for me — but the rules remain the same.

I know I’ve said these things here before, and I just want to take a moment to go back to them, with the new agency and all. First of all, I am not an agent. I am an intern. That means I read, I learn and I aspire to become an agent someday. But I am not agency staff and I cannot be queried. My independent editing services are completely independent from my position at the literary agency, and hiring me will not get you any unfair advantages with any of the agents I intern for. If you want those agents to represent you, you have to query them (with a fabulous query, of course) and hope they like it like everyone else. There are no shortcuts through me.

The same goes for TMP. Even though I am overseeing the new anthology (if you haven’t checked it out yet, hurry, there’s still a week left to submit), I am still not an acquiring editor and can’t be queried. Submissions to TMP should go the traditional route, as per guidelines on our website (right now, TMP is closed to submissions, with the exception of a few lines). Hiring my independent services will not give you any unfair advantages with TMP either.

Other than that, everything goes on as normal. I remain open to new clients over here, and I go on juggling my four jobs the best I can. And I promise to not go MIA again. So come back on Wednesday to check out a new query!

Today I’ll use Query Wednesday to announce a great opportunity (and yes, it involves querying).

As you all know, I’m an editor at Turquoise Morning Press. I usually don’t handle acquisitions, and therefore can’t be queried. But this month we’re having an exception. I’m putting together a short story anthology and it is now open for submissions from all authors!

Why is this a great opportunity? Because, most of the time, TMP anthologies are for in-house authors only. And TMP is now closing for submissions. Which means this is your best chance to show your work to us. Exciting, right?

And what is this anthology about, you ask? Oh, that’s the best part! It’s an anthology about yummy foreign men! Basically we’re looking for short stories revolving around a romance with a foreign man — in other words, stories where the hero is not American, and the hero and heroine are not from the same country. This man could be from anywhere, really. Possibilities are infinite! It could be a shy but sexy Englishman, an extremely hot Italian, a smooth Frenchman, an African ebony god, an exotic Latino, an Asian good boy… Oh my!

The heat level for this anthology is Sensual/Sizzle (to learn more about TMP’s heat levels, go here). Because there is some sex involved in those levels, it’s better that the characters be adult. Other than that, there’s no age limit. Also, for this anthology, we’ll be accepting only man/woman romance.

We’re looking for short stories of about 5k-9k words. Submissions are open until MAY 1st (yes, the deadline has been extended, so get to it!). To submit your story, send me an email query with your story attached as a .doc file (please make sure you don’t send other formats, .doc is really the best for me). Your submission should be sent to gabriela@turquoisemorning.com, with the subject line ANTHOLOGY SUBMISSION (if you send it to another email address or with another subject line, it might get lost in my inbox). You’re welcome to add name suggestions along with your query, since this anthology is still unnamed. Selected stories will be announced about a week after submission deadlines.

So what are you waiting for? Go to the TMP blog for more details and bring on the hot foreign guys! I can’t wait to see what you guys come up with!

(Next week, Query Wednesday will be back in its regular format. To have your query analyzed here, send it in the body of the email to gabrielalessacarvalho@gmail.com, with the subject line QUERY WEDNESDAY.)

Dear “Appropriately Researched Agent with the Correct Spelling of Your Name,”

With a single touch, seventeen-year-old Kate Thomas not only reads a person’s thoughts, she downloads their memories. Trouble is, she can’t control her “gift” or the side effects—the same symptoms that drove her twin sister, Claire, to suicide.

For months, Kate has walked the edge of crazy in her fight against clamoring voices and images vying for space inside her head. Her parents question her sanity, her friends shut her out, and her new therapist, Dr. Metzger, gives her little yellow pills that jack up the problem. On top of that, someone has been following her. Turns out his name is Rane, he knew her sister, and he guesses Kate’s secret struggle.

On the verge of having her brain literally explode from overcrowding, she gives in to her stalker’s persistent offer of assistance. With one electrifying touch, Rane derails her insanity and quiets the voices in her mind. Desperate to avoid Claire’s fate, Kate agrees to go with him believing he will teach her to control her ability. Instead, she finds herself locked in a research facility—at the mercy of Dr. Metzger, who secretly altered her and Claire’s genetics in utero and has been cultivating Kate for just this very moment.

Dr. Metzger is intent on perfecting the gene, not only to create a race of gifted people that he controls, but because he craves Kate’s ability for himself. At 68, his aging body is shutting down. When Dr. Metzger attempts to force Kate’s ability to full potential with mind-altering drugs, she can’t survive the insanity without Rane’s healing touch. She begins to question if he has his own agenda veiled behind those deep green eyes or if he is really on her side.

Awakening, is a 70,000-word Young Adult Science Fiction Thriller.

About Me:I Am Obsessed with Imaginary People. Avid Reader of All Things YA. Critique Facilitator at SCBWI. Writing Group Leader. Contributor and Blogger for Crosswalk.com. Faith Team Editor at The Christian Pulse. Writing Coach for North Texas Christian Writers. I would be happy to send you a copy of the synopsis and the first 50 pages at your request.

Sincerely,
Lori Freeland

This is a good query (I love the appropriately researched part), but it shows the common consequence of intrictae plots: a long description. The summary of your story should be 1-3 paragraphs long. More than that is too much. In this case, what you need is to figure out what is key. We don’t need every conflict, every turn of events on a query. We need the main one. Ask yourself, “What is my manuscript about? How can I translate that into a couple of voice-filled paragraphs?” That’s what should be on your query.

One more thing: “I would be happy to send you a copy of the synopsis and the first 50 pages at your request.” Avoid saying a number of pages. Actually, avoid saying anything along these lines. If I wanted to request 100 pages instead of 50, would you not be happy to send it? If you’re querying, the agent assumes you have a completed manuscript and you’re willing to send pages. There’s no need to say that.

And, last but not least, I’ll address a question the author asked me. She asked if she should comment on the fact that her writing credentials are all within the Christian market. The answer is no. Your credentials are pretty much to introduce yourself and show you can actually put words together and write something understandable that someone out there has agreed to publish. There’s no need to elaborate on that, and there’s certainly no need to remind the agent of your “weaknesses”. Most people querying are not published authors. That’s ok.

Thank you for your query, Lori! Hope that helps!

If you want to submit your query to be analyzed here, please email it to gabrielalessacarvalho@gmail.com with the subject line QUERY WEDNESDAY.

I honestly don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. Every contest is the same thing: I get a bunch of awesome entries and end up kicking myself because it’s just so hard to pick a winner. This time was no different. So, of course, I have a couple honorable mentions lined up…

But first things first. The big winner! The winner of a $100 gift card to be used towards any Coaching services is…

CHLOE, by Suzi Retzlaff

I analyzed a lot of things in these entries. This one, like many others, had a great premise, promising opening pages and a nice voice. But one thing I made sure I read closely was what each author needed the most help with. And this author’s needs intrigued me. Here’s what she said she needed the most help with: “Trying to decide my track. I have two ways of taking this, and I’m not sure which way to go because one way would be something totally new. I could either go with a life-changing story or that with sort of a mystery attached. ”

Hmmm…. A manuscript that could go either way, endless possibilities… Yeah, that was way too tempting for me. Ideas started flying all over and I knew I desperately needed to share them with this author.

Congratulations, Suzi!

Now, this wasn’t the only intriguing entry. There were so many I was just dying to read more of, so many different needs… So I picked four honorable mentions. Each of them will get a $20 gift card towards any Coaching services.

And here are my honorable mentions:

THE STARS FELL SIDEWAYS, by Cassandra Marshall

LETTERS FROM HEAVEN, by Veronica Bartles

MUSIC BOXES, by Tonja Drecker

THE MAPMAKER, by Joy Callaway

Congratulations to all of you! And thank you so much to everyone who entered. There were several wonderful entries and this was a very hard choice to make. Your stories made my birthday even more special!

Winners, to claim your prizes, please email me at gabrielalessacarvalho@gmail.com.